When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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