wrigley field is MILF paradise
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
