woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
