so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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