Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
