During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize