I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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