Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
