Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
