is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
