i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
