KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
