Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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