So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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