I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
