so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
