Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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