apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
