On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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