I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
