You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
