You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
