i permit you to call me
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize