remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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