So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
