I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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