Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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