So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My feet surprised me
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