Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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