If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
