totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
