how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
