Where are you?
In a non slutty way
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
