I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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