Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
