If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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