Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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