He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
