Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
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