this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
