I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
