You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
