Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
