I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you would pick up someone in the library
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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