he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
