Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
