why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
