i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
