I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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