I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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