just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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