You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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