The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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