I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
