Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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