My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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