My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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