He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
