you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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