We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
