all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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