So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I checked into jail on foursquare
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
