i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Randomize
