She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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