It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
