Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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